Handbook for Parents of Sibling Sexual AbusePosted: March 1, 2014
Very nicely done Handbook for Parents of Sibling Sexual Abuse. Click on the above image or link below to see the handbook:
This booklet is for parents of children who have been sexually abused by their brother/sister. Such form of sexual abuse is called “sibling sexual abuse.”
Sexual abuse can have harmful effects on both your child who has abused and your child who has been victimised. Indeed sibling sexual abuse affects the entire family.
When sibling sexual abuse happens in the family, you, as a parent, may blame yourself and wonder what you have done wrong. You may experience many feelings such as anger, sadness, grief, guilt and confusion.
The truth is that parents often want the best for their children and even though parents try their best to keep an eye on their children at home or monitor their children’s activities outside the home, sibling sexual abuse can happen. Sibling sexual abuse is one of the most common forms of sexual abuse.
It is important for parents to have a strong understanding of sibling sexual abuse so that they can deal with the situation, and support their children towards recovery.
Clearly there were major “red flags” my parents should have seen in my childhood indicating I was raped and being sexually abused yet these signs were completely ignored. It should not be surprising to anyone that after my bloody rape (aka – the evil swing that I talk about in my Paula Brave story) at the age of 7 that my mother started suffering severe depression and was admitted in-patient a few times to a psychiatric unit. Even though my mother thought my bloody rape by my brother was nothing more than a tragic playground accident on a swing; somehow this must have triggered her own past childhood sexual abuse by her father and a brutal rape by an older teenage boy when she was 15. When my mother became pregnant from the rape her father brutally physically assaulted her in the abdomen in an effort to cause her to miscarriage the baby. When this did not work then he forced my mother to get an illegal abortion (this was back in the 50s). The only people my mother ever told this story to were me and my father. Since my mother died this past August … it is time her story is known.
I now realize the reason why my parents never followed up with my own pediatrician after my rape “aka swing incident” and they did not take me to see the doctor until 7 months later was because my mother was is in a complete mental breakdown. However, while her complete mental breakdown was going on, my brother was continuing to rape me. The rapes did not stop after the first. And this was all made possible because I was left in my brother’s care while my Dad left each evening to visit my Mom in the Psychiatric unit. Then when my mom came back home, my parents would go out almost every evening to bars, dancing, bingo, drinking with friends because my Mom needed to have a good time to raise her spirits up … the rapes continued … My parents drinking was almost daily for most of my childhood.
When my parents found my diary when I was 16 and read about my sadness because of the way my brothers treated me and overwhelming depression due to my brother raping me so many times … their response can only be described as a drunken out of control rage focused on me. They did not believe me. We sat at the kitchen table as they downed several cases of beers while mocking my diary and my poor attempts to answers outrageous questions such as, “HOW MANY TIMES DID HE DO THIS TO YOU?!!!”, “GIVE ME SPECIFIC TIMES AND PLACES WHERE THIS HAPPENED!!!” “DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT!!!” “OH, POOR YOU! YOU HAD IT SO ROUGH!!!” “STOP CRYING!!!!” “WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!!!” “ANSWER ME DAMN IT!!!” “HOW CAN YOU MAKE THIS UP ABOUT YOU BROTHER!!!” “YOU ARE PURPOSELY DOING THIS TO RUIN THE FAMILY!!!”
These responses and other horrible things they said about me should have made me want to run away from home but instead I drew even more into myself and wanted to die. I just sat there crying hysterically until they sent me to my room. I fell completely under my mother’s control and accepted any cruel thing that she said to me without comment. A part of me died that day and night they interrogated me. What little self-esteem and self-worth I had was deed. My mother did not like my friends so I had to give up ones she did not approve of and she constantly complained about any contact I had with anyone outside the family. I learned to keep my mouth shut and “suck it up” and “deal with it”. She told me about what happen to her and that she “forgave” her father (even though she mentally broke down every time we went about him). She told me I had to do the same thing as she did and sacrifice myself for the good of the family. I had to shut up about all this for the sake of the “family” and keep the “family” together at all cost.
I did not start regaining parts of myself until I moved out of that home when I was 21. My parents finally believed me only after I was able to give them what they considered as solid evidence and when they finally believed me then they completely broke down. The solid evidence I provided was a reminder about the “swing incidence” (rape) and I provided the true clarity of that event and I reminded my father of another time he punished me for refusing my brother’s “ice cream gift” (a reward for forced oral sex). A light bulb came on and they questioned me no more (this was when I was about 30 years old). However, after this awaken for my parents, my mothers physical health went completely down hill with colon cancer, obesity, type 2 diabetes, congestive heart failure and numerous other health conditions and my father’s gambling problem went completely out of control and my parents had to file for bankruptcy and my father also made two suicide attempts.
If there are any parents reading any of this and have a child that has been sexually abused a sibling then I would encourage you read this pamphlet …. Don’t make the same mistakes my parents made. If you have been sexual abused by someone else in your childhood then get help … Don’t keep it a secret like my Mom did by taking it to her grave while all the time she suffered on the inside. If you have a drug or alcohol problem or even question if you do … Don’t wait to get help, seek help now! You will not be able to help you children as long as you remain STUCK in your own problems from the past and your current problems or additions that impact you today.