Coping Techniques

Coping Techniques

Smith, Lisa Ann. “In 15 Minutes You Can…Snap Out of a Funk.” Real Simple Jan. 2007: 67.


Every girl deserves respect and it starts with knowing that you have certain rights.

Respect: A Girl’s Guide to Getting Respect and Dealing When Your Your Line Is Crossed by Courtney Macavinta, Andrea R. Vander Pluym, Elizabeth Verdick. (2005) – 229 pages,

A self-help, confidence-building guide for girls offers advice on developing self-respect and discusses pride, personal appearance, and social interaction.

This book has some great information and beautiful illustrations for those of us that are still learning to love ourselves. Sibling sexual abuse striped me of my self-respect so I find myself in a continuous learning process.

The LIE I tell myself

I feel like there were so many signs of sexual violence when I was a little girl and the adults that were confronted with these signs did see them or did not care.  The LIE I tell myself  is that maybe it is okay to rape little girls … I know this is a LIE but it sometimes feels like the truth when I am around or think about my childhood family.

You are not alone.

It is not your job to convince your family of the truth

Jan Frank. Door of Hope: Recognizing and Resolving the Pains of Your Past (Kindle Locations 2255-2261). Kindle Edition.

It is very difficult for us when we have spoken the truth and are maligned, ostracized, and misrepresented. Many men and women have shared a similar scenario with me over the years and it is becoming more and more prevalent. If in your family there is a situation where children are in danger, you may need to consult with a professional about any further action you need to take to insure the protection of potential victims. But you cannot make it your job to convince your family of the truth. You have offered them truth, which they have rejected. So many who have found themselves in this position spend hours, days, and months formulating letters, sending books and articles, and having endless conversations-often in their heads-about the right way to enlighten family members. This rarely results in any change and only revictimizes the survivor through the family’s repeated disbelief and rejection.

Missing Pieces

This is a portion of my pediatric medical record.  I had been seen by this doctor from birth until I was 14 years old.  There was nothing unusual to be found except for the time missing between the 1973 and 1975 visits and the doctor’s findings in 1975 when my mother  finally brought me. 
  •  May 3, 1973: Follow up exam for illness. 
  • April 22, 1975: Sore Throat, Stomach ache, UTI, Migraine – RX Gantrisin for UTI and Phenobarbital.
  • April 29, 1975: Follow up found still has stomachaches, Mother thinks emotional turmoil – classroom.  Wait out school year.
 My parents took me to the doctor ever year prior to May 3, 1973 and after April 29, 1975, so why did I not see the doctor for almost 2 years?  What happen between Spring 1973 and Spring 1975?
The most significant missing piece happened in Fall 1974 – Taken to the ER by my parents due to lacerations inside my vagina.  I was released to go home since my mother was so upset and the doctor on duty had never seen injuries like this.  My parents were told to follow up with my pediatrician.  This was never done and the ER report was nowhere to be found, however, my parents remember.
Prior to my mother taken me to the doctor in the spring of 1975, she kept finding bruises on the front of my thighs while washing my hair in the bath tub.  She was very angry when I said that I did not know how I got them so finally I told her some mean girls at school kicked me (which was a lie).  During this time, I also got in trouble for drawing naked pictures of women.  I have no idea why I draw them.  Where were my parents?